ERAGON HAS BEEN KILLED
by Dusk Lullaby
Summary: got your attention yet?
1. Chapter 1The begining of the END

Eragon fan fiction- Eragon in 15 mins.

Eragon: Lalalalala skipping threw the creepy mountains fiddle Dee! Ooooo a pretty deer!...oh right! suddenly manly voice I shall shoot….YOUU-- EXPLOSION! What the---ooooo pret- I mean…. I like….this …. Rock…. Ok… enough creepy mountains for me!

On The Garrow Ranch. (HOWDY)

Roran: Katrina… Marry me? No no no… Katrina, _will_ you marry me?... no! not it at all! … pulls hair in all directions and sticks out his tongue KATRINA, WILL YOU MARRY ME! AAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAA!

Eragon: I'm back from hunting- Uh… Uncle Garrow? Why is Roran lying on the floor all twitchy..?

Garrow: puts in his teeth Now listen here you Nazi elf! I want my APPLE SAUC-- falls asleep

Eragon: ok well,.. I'm emotionally crippled, I live with my crazy cousin and uncle, and for all I know my parents are dead…but I got this shiny rock! Yippers!

Weird town celebration (weirdness in a can)

Roran: Katrina! Katrina! Katrina! Katrina!

Eragon: Rock money! Candy! Rock money! Candy!

Garrow: Orphanage Orphanage orphanage….

Eragon and Roran: WHAT!

Garrow: oh nothing…

Merchant Guy: I can't buy this for anything less than uhhh will a goat do?

Eragon: A GOAT? YOU BET! takes goat and walks away ….OH CRAP that was my plot point I JUST SOLD IT FOR A GOAT! kills merchant guy mwaahhahaha now I'll have all the gold in switerland!... hheeee…

Vrrooom: skipping ahead ((I got lazy))

egg hatches reveals a baby dragon eragon touches it, faints from an orgasm and raises the thing anyways.

**this was just something to make the time go by…. Its starting to sound like a porno or something. O.o**


	2. Chapter 2 How did I get this far?

**Do not worry my little fanfiction, I have not forgotten about you! . -pats the fanfiction on the head. - ….Oo**

Saphira: Difffffffilers! Murders! EVIL!

Eragon: GAAAAH MY LEGS - almost dies from another orgasm -

Garrow Ranch: -kaboom.-

Garrow: -dead-ish-

Eragon: -jumps-

Saphira: MY BABBBBY! –Dives-

Ra'zac: Buzz buzz…

Eragon: -holds out fly paper-

Ra'zac: buzzzzz –burn paper and lunges at Eragon-

Eragon: –Points at Ra'zac- NO no. Didn't your mother teach you any manners?

Ra'zac: -Shamefaced- Bwaaahhaaa. –cries-

Eragon and Saphira: -Tisk tisk-

Ra'zac: -run away-

Eragon: well,… That's that I guess. Hey- WAIT! THEY TOOK MY WEDDING DRESS.

Saphira: What wedding dress?

Eragon: The one I imagined I had so that this fanfiction can continue!

Saphira: Oh. That one.

Eragon: AFTER THEM!

-two days later in the scary forest.-

Brom: Lets make your Dragon some pajamas!

Eragon: uh,... No.

Brom: Oh ComON! PLEEEEASSE!

Eragon: NO. Get your elbows off the table swine.

Brom: -Throws stick-

Stick: -hits Eragon-

Eragon: ALRIGHT THAT'S IT. –Kaaaamaaaa…..HaaaaaaMaaa….HaaaaaaMaaaaaa…HAAAAA!

Brom: -disinigrates

Eragon: okokok ok ok ok ok ok. OK. O AND K KANDODLKFJD! OK don't panic Ok. It's just a spooky forest with no old man to protect you.

-screams and runs in circuls- OKKKKKKKKKOKOKOKOKOK!

**Ok so…In your reviews, tell me what you think should happen next. I love getting reviews!**

**p.s. ****AntiGravity 5-1-0****- I don't hate and will never hate Eragon. I love Eragon boatloads. I just enjoy poking fun at it. Alright? And this is to a fanfiction It's Called SCRIPT FORMAT. Duh. You should learn these things before you judge someone. But hey, I can take some criticism, sure. But don't make it so personal next time. **


	3. Chapter 3 the codfish

** Well chaps, Have a dekko at this spiffy new chapter—TADA!—This ones full of beans but I was too lazy to gen up. Any road… Horses for courses. See you lot later. **

CHApTer 3- The CodFish.

Eragon: Okokokokokokokokokok

Brom: -is revived by Saphira- I'm ALIVE! Wait…. WHAT THE- You turned me into a WOMAN!

Eragon: Awwww you're so cuuuuuteeee Yes you arrrreeee!

Brom: Get away from me you CodPhisH! RAPIST!

Eragon: RAPIST CODPHISH? WHERE?

Rapist Cod: I'm GoooOONa KEEL Yooooo.

Eragon: -screamMeltfaint-

Jack Sparrow: My name is Jack I'm not black I'm Cherokee and I'm droppin' my Lyricy right herekee yo. –peace-

Eragon: -facepalm- its RAPIST not RAPPIST

Jack: -turns all puffy and green- YOU DARE CHALLENGE,… ME!

Eragon: yes.

Jack: oh. ok… best of British to you then. I'll be off now. –takes out compass- Aha! Treasure to the east I see. ((…what do you make of this…? did you see PIRAteS#2? ))

Eragon: Let's ride.8D

They ride to some strange town on Harleys and come once again across the Ra'zac. After loosing in a game of pool to Brom they attempt to destroy Eragon with their Kues. They succeeded in getting them up Eragon's butt and nose but he got away before more damage could be done.

Eragon: ok so. What now?

Brom: Youuuu cannnn dooooo MAGIC! ABRAKADABRA! –sets Eragon on fire-

Eragon: Whaaaa! And you decided to tell me this NOW!

Murtagh: Howdy.

Eragon: and who are you?

Murtagh:….no one of coincidence….-shifty eyes-

Eragon: -still on fire-

At the Varden

Bald twins: ONE OF US…. ONNNNE OOOFF UUUUSSS….

Eragon: -still on fire-

Brom: x.x

Murtagh: I am the son of a dead dragon rider. Who are you to deny me access to this sacred dwelling?

Eragon: Dude. That is like so not what his attitude is in the book

Pixy: I KNOW I KNOW DON'T HURT MEHEHEEEEhhh… -crys- Fine I'll do it over again but then I'm off . I've got tea with jack and Galbi.

Eragon: GOOD. Wait, Galbi? You mean Galbitorix! DIE YOU BRIT!

Pixy: You're a Brit too.

Eragon: No I'm not.

Pixy: What are you then?

Eragon: -shrug- Er, Alegasian.

Pixy: that's not a nationality!

Eragon: Yes it is!

Pixy: No, It is not.

Eragon: Yes it is!

Pixy: No, It is not.

Eragon: Yes it is!

Pixy: No, It is not.

Eragon: Yes it is!

Pixy: No, It is not.

Eragon: Yes it is!

Pixy: No, It is not.

Eragon: Yes it is!

Pixy: No, It isn't!

Eragon: FINE! I'm… Carvahalleein.

Pixy: nope, Not a nationality either.

Eragon: GRRRR –stab-

Pixy: aaagggg oh bugger.

**Chums I have to be honest with you. I'm just chuffed to bits on how much you reviewed this. Thanks loads! Keep your pecker up. Any road, I'm a bit Knackered. I'm off to bed.**


	4. Chapter 4 The Nonexistent chapter

**So, A new chapter…The title of this chapter informs you of the chaos to follow. **

**Chapter 4- The Non-existent Chapter **

Eragon: Wtf????!?!! How did I kill the author???? What now!?

Brom: -Has a baby- Our reality is falling apart! we must revive the author!

Eragon: Wait! we can just go along with this random storyline that the writers of the Eragon movie wrote!

(black hole in time and space opens and starts to suck everything up)

Brom: But it doesn't make any sense! Arya has orange hair!

Eragon: WHAT?!!!

Brom: And she has a crush on you!

Eragon: SWEET! -fires up a special machine that lets him change the storyline-

Brom: WAIT! That's not how to world is meant to be!! Don't you want things to be right!? -is holding on for dear life- (the baby- whose name is Harry Potter- flew away)

Eragon: But it says that the Ra'zac can be killed by a tree branch! and you get killed by Durza in the first half hour! That sounds like a sweet world to me! -inserts storyline into machine-

Brom: You've DOOMED us ALL!!!

...everything goes black...


	5. Chapter 5 Author's notes

I have four confessions to make. The first, I'm not British.

If it wasn't obvious, then you're a bleeding git.

If you don't in fact fancy yourself a git, and you actually did believe my British façade, then I first must apologize for my trickery, second I must apologize for calling you a git in the first place, and third must commend myself for managing to fool someone with such blatant tom-foolery.

Second confession is that I haven't been on here in… years…I had actually forgotten all about writing fan fiction entirely, due to a stint I pulled (an almost 5 year long stint at that) which ended in me being sent away to boarding school, and sadly it wasn't Hogwarts. (Anything but magical, that place.)

My third confession is that I have mostly forgotten all but the major bits of the Eragon storyline. I lost touch with it after the shit-fest of a movie that was churned out by Hollywood. If you have read the books, you know how much of a letdown the movie was. With all of the current book-based movies coming out… you would expect a little more dedication from a certain author Mr. Christopher Paolini. No, instead he sold his master piece to the money grubbing devils themselves. And the man actually compares himself to Tolkien and Seamus Heaney.

((Now, I must I admit that I don't know exactly what the circumstances were surrounding what was essentially the demise of this wonderful series, so I would like to recant the 'money grubbing devils' part if that, in fact is only my own biased illusion. However…. for a writer to authorize such a rape of his clearly hard worked for best-selling series, In my personal opinion, he would have to have been kidnapped, drugged, and tied to a chair and threatened with Chinese water torture before letting such a thing happen.))

My fourth and final confession, I don't plan on writing any more of this fan fiction, mostly due to my third confession, and because I simply don't have the energy… I probably could, and it would probably more randomly insane than the first installments. I am, after all, a comedian of sorts. But It seems my time would be better spent trying to write a new story, one with less… madness,… and more… structure?

That's it for my confessions; three hail Mary's for me and may Cathulu have mercy on those who read what was this train wreck of a fan fiction, if you can even call it that.

Thank you for reading 3


End file.
